A couple weeks ago, I took the Twitter hiatus that wasn’t. I thought that if I allowed myself a short period every day, rather than quitting cold turkey, I’d be better off. I wasn’t.
I kept doing the same thing I was already doing, just under time constraints. It did no good whatsoever.
This morning, I said something that was taken the wrong way, and when I reread it, I could see why. It really did read that way.
I’ve been becoming a different person for a while now. Speaking my mind and refusing to walk away from a conversation just from fear of confrontation. (This is not related to the foot-in-mouth situation above.)
Anxiety is high, like it has been for months. It just won’t stop, so I spend all day worrying about a thing I said, even if it was just a quick throwaway comment.
Pain is also high, leaving me with cobwebs for brains.
In other words, things are not well in Amyland.
I do need a break from the world. And my world has been reduced to social media and the occasional text.
So I think it’s time for a real break. Don’t think it doesn’t mean I love you all. I’ll still be reachable through DMs/messenger, etc. But I’m renaming and changing the icons for the apps in my phone so I won’t be tempted. Because clearly half a hiatus is as good as no hiatus.
I need to get my head on straight, and I can’t see another way to do that except for cutting myself off from the world until I feel better.
I’m tired of analyzing everything I say after I’ve already said it. I’m tired of saying things and hoping for attention just because I’m lonely. I’m tired of screaming into the void and hoping the void screams back.
I’m just tired.